One last push

I feel like a pregnant woman. I have my heart wide open, I'm pushing something new into my life.

This is a horrible metaphor and yet it kind of makes sense. Life is changing in so many ways and it's changing me, brutally, from the inside out. It's unnoticeable to most but I feel it pretty much every second of each day.

I try to make sense of things that happen but it's not easy. I believe that there is a purpose to all things so I keep searching and waiting for the truth to present itself. Life changes, it evolves, it is redefined and it redefines you and the process goes on forever.

Right now I'm trying to hold on to a few things so I don't completely lose my mind, which is unfair and dangerous but I don't see any other way ot moving forward. If I let go, I'll lose myself and, for some reason, I can't allow myself to do that. I've always had a dramatic, dark and fatalistic nature. But as I grow older and life, real life, starts happening, I've found myself craving for more life, fighting for happiness and striving for a continuation of my being here. Less and less do I have room for darkness, even in the darker times. And now, probably the darkest of times, I fight and fight so I don't drown, because I don't want to. I don't know if I'll succeed or how I will make that happen.

But I know I want to.

Ann Liv Young | Ann Liv Dumb

Algo surpreendente no mundo da arte contemporânea ou, melhor ainda, no mundo da performance, é que qualquer coisa que consiga servir de metáfora para algo, qualquer coisa que possa ter uma mensagem escondida, é imediatamente encarada como "arte contemporânea".

Uma pessoa sentada no chão com um círculo de figurinhas à sua volta é designada como uma "performance": representa a ligação da pessoa adulta à sua infância e, ao mesmo tempo, a solidão da pessoa no mundo adulto. Um monte de lâmpadas de cores diferentes é designado por "instalação" e representa a diversidade racial, sexual, etc no mundo em que vivemos.

Não me interessa discutir o que é realmente arte ou não. Essa discussão é antiga e nunca leva a qualquer conclusão. Mas interessa-me expor aqui o caso de uma certa americana chamada Ann Liv Young, que tive o prazer (mórbido?) de ver trabalhar.

Ann Liv, aqui na sua encarnação do Sherry Show, apresenta-se como uma performer. Alguns diriam uma performer bem americana. No fim dos seus espectáculos, Ann Liv tem uma banca no foyer dos espaços onde vende merchandising dos seus espectáculos. Pode comprar-se tudo, desde roupa interior usada por ela, a sacos do seu sangue ou urina. Como Sherry, Ann Liv pretende ser um espelho das pessoas que a observam. Toda a performance existe a partir da sua interacção com o público. Tem momentos Oprah, em que fala com elementos do público em tom confessional, tem momentos pop, em que canta versões de músicas de Britney Spears ou Kanye West. Em outros espectáculos, Ann Liv apropria-se de histórias infantis ou mitos como a Branca de Neve (Snow White) ou o mito das sereias (The Mermaid Show). O que lhe interessa é a espontaneidade, o agora, o inesperado como revelação do interior de cada um.
E chama-lhe performance.

Sherry and friends

Entrevista com Ann Liv Young

Malemolência Zuga: Heterossexuais contestatárias

Depois de ler o absurdo publicado no Jornal Sol, soube bem ler o que está aqui em baixo...


Malemolência Zuga: Heterossexuais contestatárias: Depois de me emocionar com a prosa do arquitecto, no Sol, sobre "Os Homossexuais Contestatários" , inspirei-me no seu texto para retratar o...

Easter bunny says no

Easter 2012... No need to say anything else. Bored out of my tree, joined by people who I really don't know, celebrating a holiday belonging to a religion to which I've turned my back. I just lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling.

Oslo, pt 1

Here I am... in Norway?!?!?!?!?

I haven't been able to see a lot, so far. We drove from the airport to Oslo, which is a 40 km ride. I remember having a familiar feeling while looking at the landscape, which was nothing but trees and rocks: the sky is so big, so immense. I remember having the exact same feeling in Canada and that made me feel good (I MISS CANADA!).

After checking in at the hotel and resting for a couple of hours, we went out for dinner and I got to see a little more. People are modern, but not too modern. And they're nice, but not too nice.

I'm very curious about this place and these people. I keep wondering if they are that different from "us". At the same time, sometimes it hits me and I think "I'm in Oslo? What the hell am I doing in Norway??!" .

The irony is that we ended up in a tapas restaurant where the wait staff only spoke Spanish, the menus were in Spanish, and the music playing was samba.

...


Anyway, I don't have many pictures yet (2 or 3), but this one is a standout, so I'll leave with this one.

Boris, in pictures

Pictures by Inês D'Orey.

Boris is done! And now...

Finally, Boris Yeltsin is done. It was a somewhat successful show, although it has the potential to become very successful. In the future, we're looking at possible runs in Belgium, Brazil, Thailand, Macao and Lisbon again.

Now, it's time to finish post-production on the show and start worrying about Oslo. Actually, as with so many other things, these two are already happening at the same time. I leave for Oslo in a week and a half and I have no idea what that is going to be like... It's one of the most expensive cities in the world, supposedly, and one of the most beautiful as well. The only thing I'll probably be doing is checking out Ibsen's place, and that will probably be a fortune...

Slightly?

For the first time in a long while, I have a moment of silence.

Silence.

There is still some residual noise (maybe a lot, even), yet there is a calm, a quietness that feels nice, more so because it's been rather unusual for me.
I have dealt with a lot of stress, mainly because of work. It's become usual for me to find myself in a situation where I don't know what to do, because the question is one I've never been asked before. It really does suck to be doing a job that you know very little about and the (not so) funny thing is: there isn't anyone to ask for help. In a way, it's a huge challenge and I've discovered that I thrive on it. But, the insecure me, the proud me, hates to be in a vulnerable position.

When did I become so distanced from my own vulnerability? The real problem about being vulnerable has to do with the people that are around you. You can be surrounded by friends or family or a loved one and it's okay to be exposed. But in a harsh environment such as the workplace, vulnerability can kill you.

I have been spinning this question around in my head for months: am I cut out for this? Is this really what I'm supposed to do? I've mentioned before that I "despise" people that know their true calling from a young age, right? ... I enjoy my work, I enjoy the results of it. I know that when this show is onstage I will feel happy, proud and accomplished. I put it up there, basically! But to do this forever? I really don't know... And now, with all this economic anxiety, this financial abyss that we find ourselves on the edge of, I'm afraid that if I lose what I have, I'll become stunned, and have no idea of what will happen next. I'll probably go bananas, period.

I know, I know, I have a freakishly strong need of control and being able to know what is ahead. I can try to go around it, but how can you go around understanding your own path in life?

And now, with all these questions floating around my head, I think: "So much for silence, damnit."

Someone once advised me to shut down my brain once in a while and not think too hard. I'm pretty sure that person had a "bigger than herself" moment when she said that, because it was a very clever thing to say to me. And she's not that clever. But, so many years later, it still resonates, it's still valid.

And I'm still looking for a way to do it...

Os Homens que odeiam as Mulheres?

Saw this one a couple of days ago and it actually blew my mind, in a way. Cleverly done, very well acted, sharply written.
A good movie, all around. These two above put on a great show.

And this gentleman, as usual, is amazing.

84th

More and more, I find my love for the Oscars tacky, teenager/nerd-like and just plain weird. It's always the same thing, rarely is it as good as you predict it to be...
But still, I embrace the tackiness, I do.
And, in that same spirit, here are the nominations for the 84th Annual Academy Awards:

PS. For nerds: you may try to read about the nominations while listening to the clip below.

Hugo

11 nominations, including Picture, Director, Cinematography, Score and Adapted Screenplay.




The Artist

10 nominations, including Supporting Actress, Score and Original Screenplay




The Descendants

5 nominations: Picture, Actor, Director, Adapted Screenplay and Film Editing

Seventeen times and counting...

The Tree of Life: one of my personal favorites (3 nominations)

Moneyball

6 nominations, including Actor, supporting Actor and Adapted Screenplay

Tune in on February 26th, 2012 for the whole show, this year hosted by Billy Crystal (thank god...). Or come to my place and tune in. And bring snacks.

We get along, we do

My friend Chet Baker singing and playing There will never be another you. Damn, he was good!

First

Today, I had to write, for the very first time, my artistic curricular profile. This is me:

NELSON VITÓRIA (produção)

Nasceu em Edmonton, no Canadá, em 1983. Fez o curso de Montagem Teatral pelo Teatro Kaos. Frequenta a licenciatura em Estudos Artísticos, variante de Artes do Espectáculo, na Faculdade de Letras da Universidade de Lisboa. Teve formação com Edward Dufão, Helena Serôdio, Maria João Brilhante, Jonathan Weightman, Mário Jorge Torres e Anabela Mendes.  Trabalhou com o grupo de Teatro The Lisbon Players como operador de som, responsável de produção e director de comunicação. Dirigiu o Serviço Educativo na 1ª edição do festival Encontros de Novas Dramaturgias Contemporâneas, co-produção do Colectivo 84 e do São Luiz Teatro Municipal. Traduziu textos dramáticos de Mickael de Oliveira, Dimìtris Dimitriàdis e Frédéric Sonntag. Trabalha como director de produção na estrutura Colectivo 84. 

Freedom theatre

Heiner Müller wrote about Pina Bausch, in an introduction for a book. Longtime friends, they shared a special relationship that was many times echoed in both their aesthetics. Considering the studied sources, write about Bausch's work and the idea of a Freedom Theatre.

So I did.

New Cycle

Can't help but wonder if there really is a new "era" starting with this year. For some reason, I always had 28 in mind as the start of a different time in my life. I suppose in many aspects it is a new life, it is a different time.
I'm in love in a very new and wonderful way (which I am still discovering how to deal with and how it manifests and reflects in my life and mind), I'm feeling more comfortable with my job and my place in that same world (even though that notion is still developping and growing and I still can't say I am satisfied with this new work mode I've been in for the last six months), I've been thinking about things that weren't present before, or at least that seemed distant and those perspectives make me feel like time is moving and so am I. I'm learning how to deal with distance from people I love, miss and need in my life. I'm past the "schock" phase of not being able to grasp the possibility of being away from them and now coming more to terms with how I feel and how I can cope with that distance.

Even some things are taking center stage in my life, like being honest about who I am and how I'm living my life, and spreading to unkown areas in my life (or at least I'm feeling that need and considering acting upon it).

But still... will this year be that different from last year? Was 2010 different from the year before? I wonder if this feeling of "promise of change" is natural in us, because of the change of year, and we, humans, have that habit of thinking a change in calendar brings a change in our lives. Maybe nothing will change.

Well, I can't believe that...! I must feel that things are moving, and, obviously, moving forward. Maybe this is it: maybe we, humans, need to believe that our lives are evolving into something better and closer to a notion of perfection we created for ourselves. Well, this seems kind of obvious... Aha moment: fail.

At the same time, we make our lives, right? So, if we want our lives to be different, we have to turn them into something different. I'm trying to be more active in that sense. I'm trying to make things happen, but not only is it hard, but at the same time, I don't really know in what direction to go... I'm trying to be better, much better and faster at my job. I'm trying to do good in school. I'm trying to be more enlightened with my friends. I'm trying to invest more in my relationship and sabotage it much less. These are concrete things that I want. But I don't know where things are going otherwise...

I just hope that 28 really is different. I'm feeling a little more mature and the weight of the age 28 certainly scares me. I know that this might be a recurring feeling from now on, but nevertheless, it's here.

And maybe I should turn that into something, well, brilliant.

me, me, ME!

Agora que a pior parte das "Festas" já passou, vem a melhor parte: o meu aniversário e a passagem de ano. Na verdade, o meu aniversário é apenas mais um dia em que acabo sempre por sofrer de défice de atenção recebida (apenas porque o standard nesse dia é altíssimo) e passagem de ano é um dia em que o défice de diversão acaba por levar uma valente estocada (exactamente pela mesma razão).

De qualquer forma, são duas oportunidades e justificações para cometer todos os excessos que me apetecer.

E isso já vale a pena celebrar. OH YEAH!

Tá quase...

Pronto, mais uma vez, cá está o Natal...
Se bem que este ano é capaz de ser rápido e indolor. Dois diazitos, nem isso.


Este ano vou tentar não ter uma descarga de energia negativa no facebook como no ano passado. Este ano, vou usar o blog. :) Mentirinha... Mas não faço promessas!

ihihih

6-1=5

O primeiro foi embora hoje. O branco, à esquerda. Faltam cinco (um deles, o mais pequenino, não se vê porque dormem sempre todos em cima dele).

Wishlist II

Não, não preciso deste gajo... Mas preciso dos óculos e dos calções! É prá natação...

Caso não tenham reparado, só peço prendinhas de merda... mas é porque são coisas que eu quero/preciso e não tenho dinheiro para as comprar... :)

Façam-me um CABAZ! lol mentirinha...

Wishlist

Havaianas pretas

                                              Perfume (não este, um que cheire bem...)

Eastpak preta ou azul escura (DISCRETA)

gorro (DISCRETO)

Luvas pretas tipo látex

E por agora, só me lembro disto, mas a lista talvez aumente. Ou então não, que sou uma pessoa simples.
Para o caso de não terem percebido, sou um gajo DISCRETO. lol





OH... MY... GOD!

Esta é a Janice, de Friends (Maggie Wheeler), uma das grandes personagens secundárias da série. Acho-lhe bué piada, mas curti ainda mais quando vi uma entrevista com a gaja que faz dela. Não estava nada à espera, mas ela é bué COOL!