Slightly?

For the first time in a long while, I have a moment of silence.

Silence.

There is still some residual noise (maybe a lot, even), yet there is a calm, a quietness that feels nice, more so because it's been rather unusual for me.
I have dealt with a lot of stress, mainly because of work. It's become usual for me to find myself in a situation where I don't know what to do, because the question is one I've never been asked before. It really does suck to be doing a job that you know very little about and the (not so) funny thing is: there isn't anyone to ask for help. In a way, it's a huge challenge and I've discovered that I thrive on it. But, the insecure me, the proud me, hates to be in a vulnerable position.

When did I become so distanced from my own vulnerability? The real problem about being vulnerable has to do with the people that are around you. You can be surrounded by friends or family or a loved one and it's okay to be exposed. But in a harsh environment such as the workplace, vulnerability can kill you.

I have been spinning this question around in my head for months: am I cut out for this? Is this really what I'm supposed to do? I've mentioned before that I "despise" people that know their true calling from a young age, right? ... I enjoy my work, I enjoy the results of it. I know that when this show is onstage I will feel happy, proud and accomplished. I put it up there, basically! But to do this forever? I really don't know... And now, with all this economic anxiety, this financial abyss that we find ourselves on the edge of, I'm afraid that if I lose what I have, I'll become stunned, and have no idea of what will happen next. I'll probably go bananas, period.

I know, I know, I have a freakishly strong need of control and being able to know what is ahead. I can try to go around it, but how can you go around understanding your own path in life?

And now, with all these questions floating around my head, I think: "So much for silence, damnit."

Someone once advised me to shut down my brain once in a while and not think too hard. I'm pretty sure that person had a "bigger than herself" moment when she said that, because it was a very clever thing to say to me. And she's not that clever. But, so many years later, it still resonates, it's still valid.

And I'm still looking for a way to do it...

Os Homens que odeiam as Mulheres?

Saw this one a couple of days ago and it actually blew my mind, in a way. Cleverly done, very well acted, sharply written.
A good movie, all around. These two above put on a great show.

And this gentleman, as usual, is amazing.

84th

More and more, I find my love for the Oscars tacky, teenager/nerd-like and just plain weird. It's always the same thing, rarely is it as good as you predict it to be...
But still, I embrace the tackiness, I do.
And, in that same spirit, here are the nominations for the 84th Annual Academy Awards:

PS. For nerds: you may try to read about the nominations while listening to the clip below.

Hugo

11 nominations, including Picture, Director, Cinematography, Score and Adapted Screenplay.




The Artist

10 nominations, including Supporting Actress, Score and Original Screenplay




The Descendants

5 nominations: Picture, Actor, Director, Adapted Screenplay and Film Editing

Seventeen times and counting...

The Tree of Life: one of my personal favorites (3 nominations)

Moneyball

6 nominations, including Actor, supporting Actor and Adapted Screenplay

Tune in on February 26th, 2012 for the whole show, this year hosted by Billy Crystal (thank god...). Or come to my place and tune in. And bring snacks.

We get along, we do

My friend Chet Baker singing and playing There will never be another you. Damn, he was good!

First

Today, I had to write, for the very first time, my artistic curricular profile. This is me:

NELSON VITÓRIA (produção)

Nasceu em Edmonton, no Canadá, em 1983. Fez o curso de Montagem Teatral pelo Teatro Kaos. Frequenta a licenciatura em Estudos Artísticos, variante de Artes do Espectáculo, na Faculdade de Letras da Universidade de Lisboa. Teve formação com Edward Dufão, Helena Serôdio, Maria João Brilhante, Jonathan Weightman, Mário Jorge Torres e Anabela Mendes.  Trabalhou com o grupo de Teatro The Lisbon Players como operador de som, responsável de produção e director de comunicação. Dirigiu o Serviço Educativo na 1ª edição do festival Encontros de Novas Dramaturgias Contemporâneas, co-produção do Colectivo 84 e do São Luiz Teatro Municipal. Traduziu textos dramáticos de Mickael de Oliveira, Dimìtris Dimitriàdis e Frédéric Sonntag. Trabalha como director de produção na estrutura Colectivo 84. 

Freedom theatre

Heiner Müller wrote about Pina Bausch, in an introduction for a book. Longtime friends, they shared a special relationship that was many times echoed in both their aesthetics. Considering the studied sources, write about Bausch's work and the idea of a Freedom Theatre.

So I did.